What I Think About When I Don’t Think About You
I realized today that at some point, assuming that I have children, I will have to decide whether or not to teach them the things that I wish I knew growing up. The things that make me go: I wish I knew that sooner. The sorts of things that I want to tell my younger self. But what kind of effect would that have on my children? Would it benefit them to know such things in advance? Is there something to be said for learning things on your own, through experience, trial and error, hit and miss? Maybe I can perform some sick and twisted experiment where I only teach one kid everything and tell the other nothing. In this little thought exercise, I have a feeling the latter would actually turn out better. Kid B would be far more frustrated and would probably spend lots of time wishing he knew things sooner. He may make a mental list of things to teach his children so that they don’t go through the suffering that he had to go through. He may even secretly hate me for not telling him anything. But he would probably fare better in life and be better able to handle its unforeseen obstacles. Also, Kid A may not even benefit that much. He probably wouldn’t understand my advice anyway. It’s the kind of advice that you understand only after something happens. If that’s true, it seems that the way our lives are laid out, at least for many of us, has a certain predetermined feeling about it. It seems that we all have to go through similar situations, experience similar circumstances, especially if some lessons can only be learned through experience. For some reason, that scares me. It makes me feel like a copy, just another unit off of the assembly line. What’s the purpose of having everyone learn the same life lessons? Maybe it’s just a residual effect of having a societal system like ours. Come to think of it, other animals may actually go through the same thing. Seems like society is the reason we all have to go through so-called “life lessons”. Fine. So we learn these lessons. Why? So that we can live in society in a socially acceptable manner? Do we really go through all the trouble to appease everyone else? And if everyone’s just doing the same thing, it all seems rather silly and inconsequential, doesn’t it? There must be more.
Let’s create another kid. Let’s say he knows everything. Literally, everything. He can handle any situation. He knows all the tricks, he knows how things turn out, he knows where the obstacles lie, and he knows the perfect solutions. How does that kind of life sound? Initially, it sounds great. To us, to know everything, to know the answers to all of life’s problems, especially the ones we’re having right now, would be grand. We would feel like kings and queens. But take it from the kid’s perspective. Does he even realize that he has been gifted with so much knowledge? Would he consider it a gift? Would he have the capacity to understand that nobody else understands? I guess if he knew everything he would understand. He would understand what it’s like to be frustrated, but he would also know how to overcome it. He knows fucking everything. How would you feel if you knew so much? “Bored” comes to mind, but then again you’d also know how to overcome boredom, even a boredom that profound.
To know everything, to truly understand everything, and to truly appreciate everything. Sounds like perfection to me, perfection in every way. A god-like figure, or perhaps a god himself. He would know so much that he would know how to help everyone. But would he? All-knowing as he is, would he realize the limitations of 99.99% of the world’s population, that 99.99% of us are physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, etc. incapable of knowing everything the way that he does? I’m sure he would realize it, and upon this instantaneous realization would refuse to help us with our life dilemmas, realizing (again, instantaneously) that we would be better off being Kid B’s, learning things on our own, experiencing things for ourselves, learning at our own individual paces. Because ultimately we can’t know everything. Because ultimately some of us never answer some of life’s questions, never make it through some of life’s obstacles. Either because we can’t, or choose not to, etc. And god would understand this. And he would be silent. For our own good, he would be silent.
Is there a reason that virtually nobody is like this god fellow? (I say virtually because there may actually be someone out there like this right now, and I just don’t know it). Is that the next step in evolution? Is that the solution? To know everything? If knowing everything is the ultimate goal, then the next step in evolution would be to gain the capacity to know everything. Because personally I can’t know everything at my current state. I don’t have the hardware. And because of this, I must accept my limitations. But to do so, I would have to find them. And herein lies hope. Not just for me, but for humanity. Hope for humanity to reach the next step (assuming it is the next step) to gain all-knowingness. If I continue to exert myself with the intent of finding my limitations, I may find that the sky is the limit, if not just a superficial barrier. I may soar to the heavens. And if nature has in humankind’s history favored those that have dared to go as far as they could, there may come a time when a little baby god will be born, a child that has no limitations, that will absorb knowledge like a sponge. A very, very big sponge. Actually, an infinitely big sponge. This assumes, of course, that the drive to reach and possibly surpass one’s limitations is a genetically acquired trait, not something learned through experience, trial and error, hit and miss. Those that nature favors must be born to want to excel beyond others. Everyone else gets filtered out. When you find out which kind of person you are may vary from person to person. Or, that could just be wishful thinking. If it is, I guess I’m getting filtered out. To those with the gift of “the drive”, best of luck. The human race depends on you. Discover everything about everything. A humble request, if I may, and if it is agreeable to you: Bring me back from the dead, answer me some questions, then do with me as your all-knowingness seems fit.
To the rest of us, do not despair. That kind of lifestyle was not meant for us. For us, we wouldn’t want it anyway. Think about it. To have that kind of drive would be great, yes, occassionally, but most of the time it would be extremely limiting in its own way. There would be no freedom to turn off that drive. You couldn’t just be lazy, at least not right away. You couldn’t spend time doing leisurely, non-strenuous, zero-exertion activities. “The Drive” wouldn’t let you. There would be no time in your life, at least initially, for just enjoying simple pleasures, like the warmth of the sun on one’s back, or the comfort of holding another’s hand, or the peace of lying in a hammock. The little things in life would actually be little things. Silly and inconsequential. You would be constantly wanting to find your limits and constantly wanting to push them. Upwards. Always upwards. Though the rest of us may despair at having meaningless lives, we can at least say we had more time to appreciate everything. The real trick is actually using the time we have to appreciate everything instead of worrying so much about having meaningless lives. That’s the problem that the rest of us non-drivers face. A wandering mind.
Of course, there is the possibility that the reason that virtually nobody is like this god fellow is because it’s not the next step. It’s possible that we were never ever ever ever meant to know everything, and we can only ever ever ever know so much. Sounds anticlimactic, but also a valid possibility. Not sure how it explains all this mind-wandering, but nature may find something far more favorable than all-knowingness. Maybe nature will favor intermittent bloggers. I would have an ace in the hole.
If you made it this far, I thank you. Let’s grab lunch sometime.
